The Facts

I keep on asking what my mom would do if she had lived, and I remember how she reacted during my brother's first marriage. The end was painful to watch. No it wasn't painful, it was bloody awful. I keep on repeating this in my mind

1. My husband is jealous over something I find is stupid. He has still admitted feelings for another woman, but wants to be friends with her. He wants answers, and even if it's thrown me into conflict he wants them
2. All the 'uncaring' I have put myself under is gone. My armor is so damage I don't know if I can put it all back together again
3. this is not like KC. I did something wrong back then, but finally when Jake had enough I was able to break myself at last of the habit. Jake seems unwilling to see or do anything
4. I did a 'what if' with him. a what if I wanted to go back home, and Jake said......he would not follow me
5. If I join the Military. I will have to move. I know the chances of me getting in are slim to none, but that isn't going to stop me from trying. Jake will be unwilling to follow. After all the times I've followed him. He will be unwilling to follow
6. He loves me? I really am not sure about this one. Does he love me or love having me around?
7 Missouri won't work, I think this time he would go up there.
8 He warned me all about this before I came back. That's true! He did. I'm starting to think if he warned me maybe it was a sign I should have ended things. I didn't because I did love him.
9. Why did I come back?  I think I lost focus. I was upset and felt like a burden to those in Missouri. The problem was/is maybe in Missouri I had to much free time on my hands. I should have gotten a job right off the bat. ANY JOB, let's face it I'm not proud.
10. This isn't going away. This isn't going away, this isn't going away. He'll get answers. He'll push this. He nor I know the state of 'L' marriage, but  he'll push this no matter what.