Panic attacks and choices

I want to go home. I want to go home and be in my own bed. Have the big guy wrap around me. I want to go home, but the attack of fear is something I'm not used to. The choice I'm going to make the big guy already knows about. I want to do it. It has nothing to do with our marriage or him. It's about the national guard

but the panic attacks I'm having I'm told are related to all that happened. I really hate them. They are getting less and less. I hope to control them, but I hate them all the more because I'm going to need to be bold. need it so badly!

The Comment that Makes Me Get it

Finally I get how I'm feeling...How I've been feeling these past few weeks


“It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp.”

All you need is Love

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time - It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Open Letter to Jake

The pain of loss and the hope that you might come after me. I'm stupid, I'm in love with you and I'm stupid to think you might follow after me once your well. Then again dreams have a habit of becoming reality from time to time. Now I have to fight pass my own pain. I couldn't handle those words you said to me. Those words 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' Then the rest. I want you to fight. I want you to get well. Once you start to fight. I will fight with you. Jacob Holcomb you are my best friend in the world. You have been for the past 15 years. I hope you come after me. I hope you love me more than your desires for something you can't ever have.....cause I love you. I will be a little soul sick without you.

I can't save you cause you put up this bridge where I can no longer look in the eyes of our friends in S.A. without crying.

but I want you to fight..

I love you

Court

Dark, and doubt

No one said life was going to be easy or simple. As I type this I'm in the dark. I love the big guy in the back room. I would do anything he asked of me....Now I'm not sure what to do. Every power in my body says fight it out with him, and that the day has just been an awful one. The loss of a good woman, but his depression clouds everything. For three weeks I have been on the edge. I can hear him now able to snore away, but sleep will not come to me

What do I do...what do I do?

I love him