Panic attacks and choices

I want to go home. I want to go home and be in my own bed. Have the big guy wrap around me. I want to go home, but the attack of fear is something I'm not used to. The choice I'm going to make the big guy already knows about. I want to do it. It has nothing to do with our marriage or him. It's about the national guard

but the panic attacks I'm having I'm told are related to all that happened. I really hate them. They are getting less and less. I hope to control them, but I hate them all the more because I'm going to need to be bold. need it so badly!